Archive for Uncategorized

How to Hot Wire your truck

Out in Mill Creek , WA , the driver was attempting to throw the logging cable over the logs to secure them. As you can see, he hooked the overhead electric line instead! He said the tires began to fry within seconds. Very lucky man; he could easily have been fried himself! You might say the truck was “hot wired”, 7200 volts direct to ground.

The bridge and a bear

This bridge is on the Old Donner Pass Highway .
It has a spectacular view of Donner Lake and
Donner Pass on Route 80. ( I=80, about 40 miles west of Reno , NV , but still in California ).

A bear was walking across
Rainbow Bridge ( Old Hwy 40 at
Donner Summit , Truckee ) on Saturday when two cars, also
crossing the bridge, scared the bear into jumping over the
edge of the bridge.  Somehow the bear caught the ledge
and was able to pull itself to safety.   A uthorities decided
that nothing could be done to help Saturday night so they
returned Sunday morning to find the bear sound asleep on
the ledge.




After securing a net under the bridge the bear was tranquilized,
fell into the net, lowered, then woke up and walked out of the net.




There is a moral to this story you know; this old bear made

a wrong move and found he was hanging by his nails. Somehow
he was able to pull himself up onto the ledge where he saw he
was in a very bad, impossible situation and what did he do?
Yep, he took a nap and sure enough God took care of the
situation while he was asleep.

The moral of the story is that when confronted with a bad

situation, sometimes the best solution is to take a nap and
let God take care of the rest.

Trailer Trash

I want to be trailer trash.  They did not cause any of the problems that our country faces today.  They did not get mortgages they couldn’t afford.  They did not run banks to the ground with greed.  They did not use investors for their personal benefit.  They don’t even belong to the unions that ask too much of their companies.

I’m tired of paying mortgage bills,
utility bills, property taxes.

I want to live more simply, pack up
the dogs and move into a travel-trailer.

I don’t mind being called ‘trailer trash’,
but I wanted to get your opinion.

cid:000601cb460f$99604cb0$6401a8c0@LIFEBOOK







cid:000b01cb460f$99604cb0$6401a8c0@LIFEBOOK










What do you think about my decision?

Speed Trap


Two Texas Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Hwy 77, just south of  Kingsville, Tx. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the town of Kingsville.The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing. The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.

Just then a deafening roar over the Mesquite treetops on Hwy 77 revealed that the radar had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low flying exercise near this, it’s Naval Air home base location in Kingsville Tx.

Back at the Texas Highway Patrol Headquarters in Corpus Christi the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the US Naval Base Commander in Kingsville for shutting down his equipment.

The reply came back in true USMC style:

Thank you for your letter....

You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down.

Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's location.

Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defence system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position on the side of Hwy 77 So. of Kingsville...

The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech.

Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his holster.'

Semper Fi

Now That’s a Woodie

Amazing craftsmanship!

And I bet this beauty would really be a sight to see when it catches on fire, gives a whole new meaning to the term “HOT WHEELS

Beautiful Custom Built 2009 Wooden Car

This custom wooden car rides on a 1986 Toyota truck frame and gets power from a Chrysler 318 engine.
It is driven by an automatic transmission and has merely 1,800 miles on its speedometer.
The whole body is made of cedar and its interior is just as over-the-top as the exterior.

Can you identify this car?

Rick, the new owner of this ’70 Duster is looking for information on his ride. The Oregon Plates were 70 PLY. Please look at the pictures and if you have seen this car here in the Northwest and know any information please contact him at PUCIUPAR@aol.com

Watch what you say ?

Here at the car wash we enthusiastically greet our customers,

Yesterday Brian didn’t quite finish his greeting as he turned to walk back to the cash register…

Brian rang up the customers request then asked “do you have your green card?”

The customer responded quite puzzled “you have to show your I’d to get a wash?”
We have colored punch cards for different washes,  the wash the customer asked for, that card is green.

A Message from Alex

AN ACTUAL CRAIG’S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown  Savannah  night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1 :43 a.m. E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend’s purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I’d like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn’t expect you to actually mess your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.. The even ing was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason.. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head … isn’t it?!

I know it probably wasn’t fun walking back to wherever you’d come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I’m sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or “Momma” as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you’d done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, — on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go’s, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink “pimp mobile” that was parked at the curb …. after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver’s side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what ‘s going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA’s office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

;In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you … but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you’ve chosen to pursue in life.. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

Barb’s flat tire

My name is Barb,

I bought an SRT Challenger last month, in red of course.

I had a flat tire on the interstate 5, so I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing oncoming traffic. They look so life like you wouldn’t believe it! They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching drivers.

To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men which made it safer for me to work at the side of the road.  And of course, traffic starts backing up.
Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy.

It wasn’t long before a state trooper pulls up behind me. He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!

‘What’s going on here?’

‘My car has a flat tire’,  I said calmly.

‘Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?’

I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know…

So I told him, ‘Helloooooo… those are my Emergency Flashers.’

Just a Sunday Drive……

[]
Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his Plane arrived there was a limousine there to transport him to his home.

As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.

‘You know’ he said, ‘I am 87 years old and I have never
Driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?’
The driver said,
‘No problem. Have at it.’
Billy gets into the driver’s seat and they head off
Down the highway.
A short distance away

Sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The trooper pulled out
And easily caught the limo
And he got out of his patrol car to begin the procedure.
The young trooper walked up to the driver’s door
And when the glass
Was rolled down,

He was surprised to see
Who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to hiscar
And called his supervisor.
He told the supervisor, 
‘I know we are supposed
To enforce the law…..
But I also know that

Important people are
Given certain courtesies.
I need to know what

I should do because
I have stopped a
Very important person.’
The supervisor asked,
‘Is it the governor?’
The young trooper said,
‘No, he’s more important
Than that.’

The supervisor said,
‘Oh, so it’s the president.’


The young trooper said,
‘No, he’s even more
Important than that.’
The supervisor finally asked,
‘Well then, who is it?’
The young trooper said,

‘I think it’s Jesus,
Because he’s got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!’
Smile – God loves you! I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today;
To guide you and protect you, as you go along your way
God’s love is always with you, God’s promises are true.
And when you give God all your cares, you know God will see you through